Every year since I began teaching, I head into my classroom in August and set everything up to make sure that my space is inviting and welcoming. As I have changed schools and grades, from primary multi-age to adult education, my set-up has changed too. I used to worry about furniture, supplies, and what goes on the walls. Now I share my classroom with at least one other teacher and have far less wall space. I focus instead on all the ways we make our students feel welcome in ways other than physical design.
This shift began while I was questioning my own gender, then going through the process of coming out to my family, friends, and coworkers. I was now needing to give more information about myself simply to feel seen, and I was coming out over and over again. I was also correcting people, sometimes the same people and sometimes new people, even when I wore a pronoun pin. It was very tiring. I was also joining a strong community of folx who were dealing with the same struggles for recognition and respect that I was. Many more youths in my middle school were going through the same thing I was, struggling to feel welcomed.
Then there was the data. Even the Supreme Court of Canada has recognized that transgender people “occupy a unique position of disadvantage in our society… often find[ing] their very existence the subject of public debate and condemnation” (Hansman v. Neufeld, 2023, para. 85). We also know that 58.9% of transgender people report violent victimization since age 15, compared to 37.1% of the cisgender population (Statistics Canada, 2020). Moreover, 44% of transgender students seriously consider suicide and 34% attempt it (Price & Green, 2023).
However, there is hope! These numbers drop by a third if youth have at least one affirming adult in their lives (Price & Green, 2023). This issue mattered in my classroom far more than seating or supplies.
I wanted my students welcomed as themselves, so I began asking students to share their pronouns aloud in class. This was not a great decision, putting students on the spot and creating tensions when some of my cisgender students were unsure of how to answer this question or rejected it completely. This approach often meant that my gender questioning/creative students and I felt less welcome and safe than doing nothing at all. I needed to do something, but not this.
I started asking my students to fill out a student information form, a version of which I still use today. I ask their name on school records, to use in class, and to use for home communication. I ask the same about their pronouns. All written, and all private. Students who were struggling to be seen as themselves but may not have been safe at home had a place in my room. Any students that had different answers for school and home could be safe in my room (and supported in coming out at home if possible). Since it was written, it quietened the voice resistant to pronoun discussion. I wanted to safely engage those resistant students though, and there had to be a way.
I was reminded of a person in my life that really wanted to support me. They told me that they were just going to use they/them pronouns for everyone from now on so they wouldn’t get it wrong. It was a plan made with the best of intentions, and I truly loved them for it, but I also knew that their plan wouldn’t work for so many people. It changed the way that I talked with my students about it. I started telling my students about my friend, that their intentions were great, but that I was concerned about all the cisgender and binary transgender people that would be misgendered in using neutral pronouns exclusively. I wanted to make sure the cisgender people were respected too.
Simply including cisgender people in the conversation and making the system one that was designed for universal respect diffused many of my resistant students. I stopped getting the “I don’t use pronouns” entries on my forms, and I even saw some surprising heads nodding. It helped build a bridge.
I have a class list with pronouns beside them on my desk for each of my courses. Since changing the conversation, almost every student has pronouns written next to their names because they’re being shared on my form. It normalizes the conversation, and nobody is ever on the spot. Students have let me know (through in-class reflection logs) that there aren’t other places where they get to hear their accurate pronouns used often or at all, especially those that use neopronouns. It’s made them feel seen and welcomed, something that all of us want for our students. It has even kept some of my students attending regularly for the first time.
We all have a gender identity. We all deserve to have that identity respected. I do not always want to centre normalized identities in conversations about equity, and there is still hate to deal with, but I have seen a few minds change, and understanding grow. I have seen gender-diverse students breathe easier and smile more.
It is a small step, but every step takes us closer to a place where our queer staff and students are safe, welcomed, seen, and valued for exactly who they are. That is a step worth taking.
– Originally published in the Winter 2025 issue of the MB Teacher
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Ben Nein teaches English and technology at the Adult Education Centre in Seven Oaks School Division, after years teaching in K-8. They serve MTS members in a variety of roles, including on their Local executive and the MTS Equity and Social Justice Standing Committee. Ben completed an M.Ed. focused on Reconciliation and anti-oppression in 2023.